Discipline your kids, please

Update: This post is meant more to highlight my displeasure with liberal parenting as a whole as opposed to focusing on any style of parenting practiced in any country or by any particular race.  My sincere apologies if i’ve offended any Aussie readers!

I get quite frustrated when i listen to australian parents dealing with their kids.

firstly, they don’t have a typical parent – child relationship.  instead they treat their kids like they are their friends, some even calling them ‘mate’ or, my little friend. this is so wrong in so many ways that i just can’t conceal my displeasure sometimes.  how are they ever going to learn respect for authority other than through their relationship to their father?

secondly, when the child does something wrong, instead of administering swift punishment they try to reason with the kid.  That’s fine if the child is aged >5 years old.  But trying to reason with a 13month child is not really very fruitful i think.  What do we even remember when we were less than 3 years old anyway?  Furthermore, sometimes you just have to give them a very resolute ‘this is wrong, don’t do it’ and hold firm to it regardless of the many wailings and screams you receive.

lastly, they give in too easily to their kids tantrums and pander to their wants incessantly.  That’s just plain wrong.  If those kids were mine i’d give them a quick smack on the bum or a slap across their face.  Coz when they grow up (and i’ve seen some of the elder siblings) they tend to speak quite rudely back to their parents and throw temper tantrums whenever they’re not getting what they want… “I WANT A DS!!!!”

My mom never let me get away with any of that, and I would say i had my fair share of tantrums in my childhood.  the moment that happened she’d immediately drag me by the arm into the closest restroom and beat me till i couldn’t cry anymore.  In fact the more i cried the more severe the beating i normally got.  Shuts a kid up pretty quick i reckon.

Did i enjoy those beatings? no, not one bit.  Did i hate my mom for doing it?  Maybe sometimes.  Thankfully the pettiness of youth does not last long though and before i knew it i’d forgotten the whole thing (as well as the coveted item that i wasn’t allowed to have, hence the tantrum).

Now when i look back i am thankful for the many stern warnings and spankings my mom administered on me.  They’ve made me a more self-controlled and respectful person and i think it does build character not to be able to get everything that you want.

side-note: I doubt it was easy for her to do that [hitting her son], but she dug deep and really did all she could so i wouldn’t be an out of control brat. At least i hope i’m not one. Thanks mom!

The problem is learning to be firm, knowing that sparing the rod does ultimately spoil the kid and that for a child, it is the parent’s responsibility to mould them into a respectable and well adjusted individual.  Too often the parents (having been through a pretty slack childhood themselves) tend to just do what their parents did and let their kids get away with murder.

shame on parents for doing so! And shame on me and HY if we let our (God willing) kids get away with what they want while they live under the roof of our house.

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4 thoughts on “Discipline your kids, please

  1. I agree that it’s not OK to give in to kids’ wants just because they have a tantrum. And I agree that parents need to be authority figures, not “friends”. But I think there are better alternatives to beating. Are you serious about beating kids across the face? And are you serious that beating a child will shut them up? Might stop them from crying (although my experience as a child was that being hit caused me to cry all the more …) but it doesn’t stop them from being upset.
    I don’t think that beating kids when they’re having tantrums helps them develop self-discipline at all. It teaches them fear. If you can only get your kids to behave by using fear, there’s something wrong.

    BTW, why are you directing your criticisms at Australian parents?

  2. Thank you for your comment!

    I have to apologise, for singling out Australian parents. my post was meant to criticise liberal parenting as a whole and not necessarily on any countries particular ‘style’ of parenting per se. As i was a foreigner in Melbourne I tended to focus more on my immediate surroundings and in particular the bad parenting habits carried out by those i interacted with most, be they of European or Asian or any other background.

    My thoughts have mellowed slightly as I’ve gotten married in the time between now and when i wrote down my thoughts. And i am also looking forward to being a parent one day.

    First off, I do not condone beating just for the sake of it. I think child abuse is a terrible thing. When i talked about beating a child i think it comes from my own memories of how my mom disciplined me when i was getting out of control. She was quick to administer corporal punishment whenever my siblings and I went out of line but also quick to explain to us what we had done wrong and why she was angry with it. She never applied one part without the other. She also would tenderly wipe away our tears and comfort us. This was what stopped us from being upset and I believe that it’s inconsistent with a parents love to administer only pain, without accompanying it with reasoning and reassurance.

    I also pointed out that i myself never once enjoyed getting a beating. they were painful and did cause me to cry. However they definitely got my attention and really showed me that what i had just done was wrong and i should not do that again. Without the pain, i don’t think i would have learnt as quickly!

    I’m sure that administering physical punishment does have it’s flaws and limitations though and I am open to other methods of disciplining a child. I’ve only raised this example because i know that it worked for me.

    And from now on i have to be more careful and balanced with the opinions that i post on my blog!

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